Saturday, November 11, 2006

Why I Can't Vacuum

It came to me this afternoon. I wanted to be a supportive husband. Saturday is Martha's designated day for house-cleaning. Beds are stripped, laundry is washed, bathrooms are scrubbed (not that they get that dirty with just two of us, but that's another matter). Furniture is dusted, windows get washed and the entire house gets vacuumed. Today I offered to do all the vacuuming. Martha agreed with the stipulation that I do it thoroughly. "Of course" I answered. And I went and got the vacuum cleaner (a 2 year old blue Miele model that cost a lot of money!!).
I set it up in the back bedroom plugged it in and took off. Each room I approached with a goal of speed and efficiency. Under the furniture or move it? change the head before the rugs, or just go straight on over them? Which way through a room is the most effficient use of the cord before re-locating it to another outlet?
I was amazing!! I flew from one room to another, out the hall, into the family room, nailing bathrooms along the way. I hit the dining room and living room using only two plugs (plug changing is to vacuuming what pits stops are to stock-cars).
Bang! I was done with the whole house in about 5 minutes. The problem was that Martha was not all that impressed with how fast I could drive the Miele. When I talked about my theory of cleaning to her, she had the audacity to say that cleaning had nothing to do with efficiency and speed??


At 8:32 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey,nice blog!!!

I found a place where you can make an extra $800 or more a month, speed-vacuuming. I do it part time and make a lot more than that. You can do it in your spare time and make good cash, especially since you can do an entire house in just 5 minutes! Well, all of that's true as long as you can find clients who don't give a flying fig about having things done thoroughly, silly man you.

At 11:10 PM , Anonymous BarBarA said...

LOL this cracked me up! You men love to drive fast, even vacum cleaners! I won't let my son vacum for the same reason :)

At 2:40 PM , Blogger Kalon L said...

Oh my goodness! This must be genetic. Does Martha say to you (as Karen says to me) "you never see the spiders!"

At 8:40 AM , Blogger donnjohnson said...

What spiders??

At 5:54 PM , Anonymous Kris said...

Great story! Scot has been doing the vacuuming/swiffing now for several years. It has worked out the best for us for him to do the vacuuming when I am out of the house on my usual Friday morning chores. That way I stay out of his hair (what is left of it:) and don't bug him about the "right" way to vacuum or sweep. I know he isn't as thorough as I might be, but oh well. No big deal.


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